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Ten Things an Atenean Should Invent
Feature Story by Lani SisonTop
(www.iateneo.net)
DON’T you ever feel the need to invent something that would ultimately make life a whole lot better? Here are top ten things Atenean geniuses should invent to help eliminate the not-so-pleasant aspects of being an Atenean.
10. No-Smoke Cigarettes
It works like this: when one smokes, one has to breathe the smoke out eventually. With the internal cigarettes, the smoker need not breathe it out. This invention will aid the implementation of the restricted smoking policy in the campus since one of the bill’s concerns is to protect the health of non-smokers. Sure, the smokers will probably cut their life span by half with this invention, but at least it will no doubt prevent second-hand smoke!
9. Foldable Car
Think The Jetsons. Since finding a decent parking space in Ateneo is next to impossible— even though there are scores of parking lots around campus—the foldable car will be of much convenience to students. All you have to do is press a button from a remote control, and voila! your car folds up and becomes the size and the weight of your laptop. Hey, if you can carry around a miniature computer around campus, you can also carry around your means of transportation!
8. Morphing Shirt
With the fickle weather conditions that we are currently experiencing, the morphing shirt will be a handy article of clothing that will keep students from getting sick. In its normal mode, it will seem like an ordinary T-shirt. It is, however, also attuned to the weather. Hence, long sleeves will appear when there’s a chill, while it will transform into a sleeveless top when it’s sweltering outside. Moreover, a hood will form to protect one from the rain. The cloth of the top will also alter according to the season, becoming wooly from December to February, turning into cotton from March until July, and transforming its fabric into nylon during the rainy period between August and November.
7. Convertible Armchair
Armchairs in classrooms will have a “trapdoor” arm which, when activated, will open up to reveal a small pillow inside, perfect for those who spent all night studying for their long tests, preparing their thesis, and the like. This will allow you to catch a few minutes’ worth of comfort (and sleep): a home away from home.
For those who want to stay awake for the entire duration of your classes, the convertible armchair will also have an anti-sleep feature. At the bottom of the chair will be a mini-cabinet which, when opened, will reveal a vending machine for coffee, with a variety of choices to suit your personal taste.
6. GA Generator Office (GAGO)
For those of you who usually take charge of the GAs of your organizations, this invention would be perfect for you! Although the container itself is made to look like the baul of your lolos and lolas, this will definitely be more tech-savvy than a container of old moldy clothes. The GAGO will carry with it a full sound system, three handheld and two lapel microphones, speakers, and a computer with a built-in LCD Projector. In addition, it also houses a boombox and a miniature refrigerator for you creatures of comfort. Need to hold it out overnight or out-of-town? No problem! The GAGO can also carry around a maximum of five sleeping bags along with the abovementioned equipment. Holding the event in school but still haven’t reserved a room with the GA looming only a few days away? Piece of cake! The GAGO’s computer can be connected to the OSA’s room reservation list so you’ll know which rooms you can avail of without going to Xavier Hall (especially if you’re a Communications student, when going to the Admin during sunny days is tantamount to trekking Death Valley). Best of all, for all the stuff you can put in it, the size and weight of the GAGO will hardly change when it’s empty, so you can put your Foldable Car in it too! In the near-future, Ateneo will be filled with the revolutionary GAGOs!
5. Campus-Wide Computer Counter
A multi-purpose board that will reflect the number of computers available at the CTC Computer Laboratories, as well as the number of IDs in line for computer use, should be placed outside these computer rooms. This will save students the hassle of manually counting the number of people already ahead of them. The Athletics Office can also use it to update the students of the remaining number of UAAP tickets left. Moreover, it would be a big help during registration. Since Ateneo is using a random numbering system, the meter can notify students as to how many numbers ahead of them have been--or are being--served so that they will be able to determine if they can leave the line long enough to grab a bite.
4. Holistic Organizing Personal Instructional Assistant (HOPIA)
The HOPIA will be of much assistance to you students, especially during hell weeks when you find yourselves crammed between loads of academic and extra-curricular activities, practically gasping for survival. The organizer will automatically arrange your schedule according to the most important to the least important things that you have to do while constantly reminding you of the daunting deadlines to be met. When you jot down conflicting schedules, or list down too many things for only one day, the organizer will immediately inform you which activities you’ll need to accomplish first. The HOPIA’s functions also extend to reminding you to get your beauty sleep, to (heaven forbid!) bathe, and to eat while naming restaurants—afforded by your increasingly diminishing allowance— that you have not visited for a long time now. It will likewise serve as an alarm clock, waking you up at that exact time and dictating to you thereafter your itinerary for the day. In a nutshell, it’s your mom and a secretary in a single package, without the additional pressure.
3. Bench Protector Kit (BPK)
The bench protector kit will guard your benches when the whole barkada is out, attending classes or eating. It is an inconspicuous device placed near the bench area, which is designed to enclose the area with a barbed wire after it is actuated by the presence of an intruder. In some instances, even when a bench person is present, other people still encroach upon the “reserved space” and occupy the remaining benches. Fear not! The BPK also comes with an inflatable benchmate, to keep you company while your friends are in class. When even that fails to drive away the leeches, resort to Plan B: Use the Lemon-Orange Scented Enemy Repellant (LOSER) Spray, also available in the BPK Kit. Spray it once all over your body and the much-needed effect of clearing out the annoying people at your bench will be quickly achieved.
However, people are not the only ones who can capture benches, as proven in SEC where the cats try to compete with the student population. To prevent the felines from claiming your bench as their own, the BPK will also have a special feature for this. The bench will automatically release an already-opened tuna can when it senses a cat approaching, thereby lessening the chances of it claiming the bench. It’s a must-have feature for cat lovers and haters alike.
2. Personal Automatic Warning-Locating Device OUTput (PAWLD OUT)
The PAWLD OUT will come in two parts: (1) the input device in chips that you can attach to your stuff, and (2) its locator-output in a wristwatch-size controlling system, which will have quite a few quirky features. If someone tries to steal your things, the chip will automatically be activated, screeching “Put me down, you klepto!” and will only stop once you deactivate it with your controlling system. At the same time, your pseudo-wristwatch will vibrate to inform you that your stuff is being taken away. It will also keep track of where your stuff is by triggering a beeping sound when you try to locate it with your controls (helping you figure out which of the two black cases is your laptop and your foldable car).
Now why is it personal, aside from the fact that you own it, you may ask. It’s called that because the owner can personalize the settings. You can change the volume, the language, and the message. For instance, you could have it shriek, “Magnanakaw!” in an earsplitting voice if you’d like to. It also comes with a special feature: the ID-tector. The chip that you attach to your ID will not only help you look for your ID, but will also warn you if a security guard is nearby so you can wear it immediately.
1. Thinking pen
Forget about the Thinking Cap. That is so yesterday! Forget about the Thinking Chair, unless you have a blue dog that loves to mess around your stuff by stepping on them and leaving a mark of –amazingly- only one paw. Behold the Thinking Pen, an accessible gadget that helps boost cerebral activity. This is especially helpful in your Philosophy classes, when you need to ponder about existentialism and the wonders of the human person. All you have to do is stick the blunt end of the pen near your ear (but be careful so as not to let others think that you’re ridding yourself of earwax), and let the pen do the rest. Although it will not give you the exact answers (which would be cheating), it would help in memory recall. The best part is that it's ink is available in a multitude of colors, ranging from the typical colors such as black, blue and red, to unique shades such as beige, neon pink, marigold, periwinkle, rainbow brown, electric black, etc. ***
30 January 2005 at 12:15 PM
(www.iateneo.net)
DON’T you ever feel the need to invent something that would ultimately make life a whole lot better? Here are top ten things Atenean geniuses should invent to help eliminate the not-so-pleasant aspects of being an Atenean.
10. No-Smoke Cigarettes
It works like this: when one smokes, one has to breathe the smoke out eventually. With the internal cigarettes, the smoker need not breathe it out. This invention will aid the implementation of the restricted smoking policy in the campus since one of the bill’s concerns is to protect the health of non-smokers. Sure, the smokers will probably cut their life span by half with this invention, but at least it will no doubt prevent second-hand smoke!
9. Foldable Car
Think The Jetsons. Since finding a decent parking space in Ateneo is next to impossible— even though there are scores of parking lots around campus—the foldable car will be of much convenience to students. All you have to do is press a button from a remote control, and voila! your car folds up and becomes the size and the weight of your laptop. Hey, if you can carry around a miniature computer around campus, you can also carry around your means of transportation!
8. Morphing Shirt
With the fickle weather conditions that we are currently experiencing, the morphing shirt will be a handy article of clothing that will keep students from getting sick. In its normal mode, it will seem like an ordinary T-shirt. It is, however, also attuned to the weather. Hence, long sleeves will appear when there’s a chill, while it will transform into a sleeveless top when it’s sweltering outside. Moreover, a hood will form to protect one from the rain. The cloth of the top will also alter according to the season, becoming wooly from December to February, turning into cotton from March until July, and transforming its fabric into nylon during the rainy period between August and November.
7. Convertible Armchair
Armchairs in classrooms will have a “trapdoor” arm which, when activated, will open up to reveal a small pillow inside, perfect for those who spent all night studying for their long tests, preparing their thesis, and the like. This will allow you to catch a few minutes’ worth of comfort (and sleep): a home away from home.
For those who want to stay awake for the entire duration of your classes, the convertible armchair will also have an anti-sleep feature. At the bottom of the chair will be a mini-cabinet which, when opened, will reveal a vending machine for coffee, with a variety of choices to suit your personal taste.
6. GA Generator Office (GAGO)
For those of you who usually take charge of the GAs of your organizations, this invention would be perfect for you! Although the container itself is made to look like the baul of your lolos and lolas, this will definitely be more tech-savvy than a container of old moldy clothes. The GAGO will carry with it a full sound system, three handheld and two lapel microphones, speakers, and a computer with a built-in LCD Projector. In addition, it also houses a boombox and a miniature refrigerator for you creatures of comfort. Need to hold it out overnight or out-of-town? No problem! The GAGO can also carry around a maximum of five sleeping bags along with the abovementioned equipment. Holding the event in school but still haven’t reserved a room with the GA looming only a few days away? Piece of cake! The GAGO’s computer can be connected to the OSA’s room reservation list so you’ll know which rooms you can avail of without going to Xavier Hall (especially if you’re a Communications student, when going to the Admin during sunny days is tantamount to trekking Death Valley). Best of all, for all the stuff you can put in it, the size and weight of the GAGO will hardly change when it’s empty, so you can put your Foldable Car in it too! In the near-future, Ateneo will be filled with the revolutionary GAGOs!
5. Campus-Wide Computer Counter
A multi-purpose board that will reflect the number of computers available at the CTC Computer Laboratories, as well as the number of IDs in line for computer use, should be placed outside these computer rooms. This will save students the hassle of manually counting the number of people already ahead of them. The Athletics Office can also use it to update the students of the remaining number of UAAP tickets left. Moreover, it would be a big help during registration. Since Ateneo is using a random numbering system, the meter can notify students as to how many numbers ahead of them have been--or are being--served so that they will be able to determine if they can leave the line long enough to grab a bite.
4. Holistic Organizing Personal Instructional Assistant (HOPIA)
The HOPIA will be of much assistance to you students, especially during hell weeks when you find yourselves crammed between loads of academic and extra-curricular activities, practically gasping for survival. The organizer will automatically arrange your schedule according to the most important to the least important things that you have to do while constantly reminding you of the daunting deadlines to be met. When you jot down conflicting schedules, or list down too many things for only one day, the organizer will immediately inform you which activities you’ll need to accomplish first. The HOPIA’s functions also extend to reminding you to get your beauty sleep, to (heaven forbid!) bathe, and to eat while naming restaurants—afforded by your increasingly diminishing allowance— that you have not visited for a long time now. It will likewise serve as an alarm clock, waking you up at that exact time and dictating to you thereafter your itinerary for the day. In a nutshell, it’s your mom and a secretary in a single package, without the additional pressure.
3. Bench Protector Kit (BPK)
The bench protector kit will guard your benches when the whole barkada is out, attending classes or eating. It is an inconspicuous device placed near the bench area, which is designed to enclose the area with a barbed wire after it is actuated by the presence of an intruder. In some instances, even when a bench person is present, other people still encroach upon the “reserved space” and occupy the remaining benches. Fear not! The BPK also comes with an inflatable benchmate, to keep you company while your friends are in class. When even that fails to drive away the leeches, resort to Plan B: Use the Lemon-Orange Scented Enemy Repellant (LOSER) Spray, also available in the BPK Kit. Spray it once all over your body and the much-needed effect of clearing out the annoying people at your bench will be quickly achieved.
However, people are not the only ones who can capture benches, as proven in SEC where the cats try to compete with the student population. To prevent the felines from claiming your bench as their own, the BPK will also have a special feature for this. The bench will automatically release an already-opened tuna can when it senses a cat approaching, thereby lessening the chances of it claiming the bench. It’s a must-have feature for cat lovers and haters alike.
2. Personal Automatic Warning-Locating Device OUTput (PAWLD OUT)
The PAWLD OUT will come in two parts: (1) the input device in chips that you can attach to your stuff, and (2) its locator-output in a wristwatch-size controlling system, which will have quite a few quirky features. If someone tries to steal your things, the chip will automatically be activated, screeching “Put me down, you klepto!” and will only stop once you deactivate it with your controlling system. At the same time, your pseudo-wristwatch will vibrate to inform you that your stuff is being taken away. It will also keep track of where your stuff is by triggering a beeping sound when you try to locate it with your controls (helping you figure out which of the two black cases is your laptop and your foldable car).
Now why is it personal, aside from the fact that you own it, you may ask. It’s called that because the owner can personalize the settings. You can change the volume, the language, and the message. For instance, you could have it shriek, “Magnanakaw!” in an earsplitting voice if you’d like to. It also comes with a special feature: the ID-tector. The chip that you attach to your ID will not only help you look for your ID, but will also warn you if a security guard is nearby so you can wear it immediately.
1. Thinking pen
Forget about the Thinking Cap. That is so yesterday! Forget about the Thinking Chair, unless you have a blue dog that loves to mess around your stuff by stepping on them and leaving a mark of –amazingly- only one paw. Behold the Thinking Pen, an accessible gadget that helps boost cerebral activity. This is especially helpful in your Philosophy classes, when you need to ponder about existentialism and the wonders of the human person. All you have to do is stick the blunt end of the pen near your ear (but be careful so as not to let others think that you’re ridding yourself of earwax), and let the pen do the rest. Although it will not give you the exact answers (which would be cheating), it would help in memory recall. The best part is that it's ink is available in a multitude of colors, ranging from the typical colors such as black, blue and red, to unique shades such as beige, neon pink, marigold, periwinkle, rainbow brown, electric black, etc. ***
said...
ola clang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ngayon ko lang nalaman na baliw ka pala... kaya pala paminsa'y magisa ka nalang kakanta o bigla nalang tatawa... hmm... ang galing! alam mo, hindi talaga halatang baliw ka. =) wehehehehe! ingatz ingatz!
-----Matts----- 6:11 PM
-----Matts----- 6:11 PM
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